"when everything is lonely i can be my own best friend"

there are people with the same hidden opinions and fantasies and together their thoughts are a silent parallel world where secrets are few

mp4

i don't know what the difference is but i know everything i want to upload, of course is that. but either way i'm in good spirits because i found lots of goodies today and have been productive at the same time .   rare okay

i feel like i'm missing out on so many opportunities as a consequence of my lack of documenting. i'm a firm believe in the documentation of one's life, and i have been slacking. where is my camera? my camcorder?   Hello ?

yeah, megan . maybe if you hadn't bummed for the past two years and had been working a job like a responsible being , you might have these things.

yes,yes i know.

what's wrong with a lifetime spent chasing the sun?

inspiration -

the itch on your back you can't quite scratch

sometimes desire consumes us all - 

if a thing loves, it is infinite

sometimes the sun shines on things so directly and it feels like things are melting but sometimes the sun shines on things so directly and everything feels like it's glowing . are those opposites?

today things are glowing even if they are melting too because it is so fucking hot out there.
i want to go and get my tattoo touched up today i'm trying to muster up the energy. i wish i had a phone that worked so i could call the tattoo place without sounding like an idiot when nobody can hear me on the other end and therefore resulting in someone being pissed off

i don't look to ruin days you know
i'd rather make them

necessary

i wonder what it would be like to know where you are at and where you are going.
everyone says you need to network to be successful and it's not that i'm doubting it i'm only doubting myself and my abilities to network.
i went to a party last night and i went to the bathroom by myself which is typical of me but not so typical of the average female and i thought of how i had nobody to go to the bathroom with me even if i did want someone to. and i thought of all the things that i don't necessarily need or want to be happy but things of which i simultaneously notice their absence . how can anyone even know what they need to be happy?

i thought of how badly i relate to people
and do i really even want to relate to people anyways ?
sometimes it seems like the only people i can relate to are killing themselves in one way or another
but i guess that's everyone.

have you ever?

once in your life?
reached out to touch infinity ?

i know it's nothing to worry about

"...if anything, i only feel like one of those crazy - one of those people who make me sad - someone i don't admire."

bookshelves

i want my house to be filled with them someday. i want my walls to be bookshelves. all of them everywhere, i want my house to be like a library. a beautiful library with beautiful words and people and their stories all over my walls and their souls filling up my breathing space. people's who's souls are going to live on forever in only their wording

i'd like to keep another journal dedicated solely to brief encounters with people
for the sake of having something dedicated to - contact?

if grace is an ocean we are all sinking

are you picking up what i'm putting down?

thom yorke said something about walking into a bookstore, or a library, or something. and there are all these books about you.

and it’s like you are already dead.

i was reading about mirror neurons in my psychology textbook and how the same regions of my brain are firing at the exact same time as so many other people’s - just because they’re picking up some sushi and eating it or something or maybe someone is listening to the same song as i am, writing in their journal (as i was when reading this) when they should be doing schoolwork.

 is it supposed to be comforting ?

i don't hate on stereotypes just to hate on stereotypes and i don't even really like to hate on anything, really, but the generalizations seem to slim down my options so much because i don't want to be one of those "political fuckers" or a nosy, slaughtering the truth, journalist. i don't want to be an arrogant asshole doctor and i don't want to be a boring receptionist at some boring institution.  i don't want to be any of these things because they are all generalized and my being does not fit into a generalization and


blah blah blah everyone thinks they don't fit into a generalization
and whyis my being any more special than yours.

i know it's not, okay but nobody wants to be reminded of it every day and nobody needs to be either

"ish" - to a moderate degree

i was being a good girl as i should yesterday, studying for my psychology midterm i have tomorrow, and the chapter i was reading mentioned how language is generative. which of course i already knew. how us as humans can say things that nobody has ever said before, because our language is generative. which was reassuring to me because sometimes i feel like i can't come up with anything at all to say, and how can that be so when it is proven that i can say things that nobody else has said before?

i feel like everything i try to explain is circular
and i guess thats why i dont try to explain things
i guess learning to do so could be beneficial
circularity . ?

i woke up out of a sound sleep today to lenny's obnoxious alarm going off every five minutes this morning and i had the most brilliant idea about __________________ like eating sunshine.
and i was so close to hauling myself out of bed to get up and write it down but i didn't cause i believed in my remembering and now look what good that has gotten me. remembering is a hard thing to believe in because it is hard enough to even remember to be remembering something



some days .
i wake up and it's like i miss a part of myself that i have never even met

shitty anything

it all leads to something, you know

anyways. it is proven that i am not a very consistent person.
and i think it is unfair to capitalize some words and not others

maybe if i had some self-discipline i could get somewhere
but who's worried about getting somewhere other than where they already are anyway.

well,

i mean who knows better than anyone.



Who says your truth is better than ours?


i'm appreciative of the library and how everyone here is here for themselves

       and it is quiet.
although i wish i could figure out the   printer.

slaughterhouse five

once you realize that life may indeed be pointless (not that it is, that it might be), you will live as a happier person.

so it goes.

why do i have a blog?

i had a tumblr for the longest time. i reposted a few pictures, nothing big. i never really did much of any writing, although i do have a few beautiful leather journals, the first one being almost completely filled up. i write in it everyday. i think it keeps me sane, a little bit. or at least i like to think it helps the cause.

i guess i never wrote in my blog because anything i have of value to say (do i have things of value to say?), i'm usually not interested in sharing with other people. with the exception of a rare few. so why am i doing this? probably because i am sitting at home on a wednesday afternoon bored out of my mind with nothing better to do. maybe i'll be consistent with it, but chances are i probably won't be. i'm not a very consistent person.